Let’s set the scene: It’s the late 1700s, and Timothy Dexter—a self-made American “businessman” with a flair for the ridiculous—decides to ship a load of coal to Newcastle, England. If you’re scratching your head, you’re not alone. Even back then, people joked that selling coal to Newcastle was about as pointless as selling sand in the Sahara. Newcastle was famous for its coal mines. They had so much coal, they barely knew what to do with it.
So, why did Dexter do it? Legend has it, his so-called friends egged him on, hoping to see him fail spectacularly. But here’s where history gets wild. When Dexter’s cargo arrived, Newcastle’s miners were on strike. Suddenly, the city needed coal—and Dexter was the only guy with a fresh shipment. He sold it all, and (you guessed it) made a tidy profit.
What can you, as a history buff (or just someone who loves a good story), take away from this? For starters, history isn’t just about kings, wars, and treaties. It’s also about the oddballs and outsiders who do the unexpected. Dexter’s story is a crash course in luck, timing, and the power of ignoring the naysayers. Sometimes, the “foolish” move is the one that pays off.
For historians, this tale is a reminder to look beyond the obvious and question the stories we hear. Was Dexter a genius, or just incredibly lucky? The truth is, history is full of people who succeed for reasons nobody saw coming. For history geeks, it’s a lesson in digging deeper—sometimes the most unbelievable stories have a kernel of truth (and sometimes, they’re just really great legends).
If you enjoyed this slice of history-gone-bananas, why not help us out? Subscribe to our newsletter for more wild tales, follow us on social media, and spread the word. Let’s keep history weird—and wonderful—together!If you ever feel like you’re just winging it through life, take comfort: Timothy Dexter made an entire fortune by ignoring common sense, business logic, and, occasionally, the English language. Born in 1747 in Malden, Massachusetts, Dexter was about as qualified for success as a goldfish is for a spelling bee. He had almost no education, zero business training, and a knack for making decisions that would make a modern financial advisor faint on the spot.
But Dexter had one thing going for him: he married a wealthy widow. Suddenly flush with cash, he set out to conquer the world of business—armed with nothing but wild ideas and the unwavering confidence of a man who once tried to sell mittens in the Caribbean (spoiler: it worked).
The Coal to Newcastle Caper: A Masterpiece of Accidental Genius
Let’s talk about Dexter’s most legendary move: shipping coal to Newcastle, England. For context, Newcastle was so famous for its coal mines that “selling coal to Newcastle” was the 18th-century version of “selling sand in the desert.” When Dexter’s rivals suggested this scheme, they were basically handing him a prank—like telling someone to sell ice to Antarctica. Dexter, blissfully unaware, shipped off his coal anyway.
And then, the universe decided to play along. By the time his coal arrived, the Newcastle miners were on strike. Suddenly, the city that was drowning in coal had none—and Dexter was the only guy with a shipment to sell. He made a profit, his rivals choked on their tea, and the legend of Timothy Dexter grew another inch taller.
Business Blunders That Somehow Worked
This wasn’t a one-off. Dexter’s business “strategy” was like a game of Mad Libs:
He sent bed warmers to the Caribbean. Locals used them as molasses ladles. Sold out.
He shipped stray cats to the Caribbean to fight a rat infestation. Instant hit.
He bought up worthless Continental currency after the Revolutionary War. The government decided to honor it. Ka-ching!
If you’re thinking Dexter was secretly a genius, you’re not alone. Some historians argue he was just playing dumb to outwit his snobby competitors. Others say he was simply the luckiest man alive. Either way, Dexter’s “failures” kept turning into wild successes, and he leaned into his newfound fame with the subtlety of a marching band.
The Eccentric Lord of Newburyport
Dexter wasn’t content with just being rich. He declared himself “Lord Timothy Dexter,” filled his front yard with wooden statues of famous people (including himself), and once faked his own death just to see who would show up to his funeral. When his wife didn’t seem sad enough, he reportedly scolded her for not grieving properly. He even wrote a book—A Pickle for the Knowing Ones—that had 9,000 words and not a single punctuation mark. When people complained, he printed a second edition with a page full of random punctuation, instructing readers to “peper and solt it as they plese”.
What Can History Buffs Learn From Dexter’s Wild Ride?
Question the Obvious: Sometimes, the “dumbest” ideas are only dumb until they work.
Embrace the Unexpected: History isn’t just about kings and battles. It’s also about the weirdos who made everyone else look silly.
Luck Favors the Bold (and the Bizarre): Dexter’s story is proof that fortune sometimes smiles on those who don’t know any better—or just don’t care.
Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously: Whether he was a secret genius or the luckiest fool in America, Dexter had fun with his legend. Maybe we should, too.
If you love stories like this—where history goes completely bananas—help us keep the madness alive! Subscribe to the HistoryGoneBananas newsletter, follow us on social media, and share this story with your fellow history geeks. Let’s make sure these wild tales never fade into the boring parts of the past.