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By BananaKing, the Silly Historian Who Double-Checks His Drinks
Forget résumés and references—in Ancient Rome, promotion came with poison.
Agrippina the Younger, history’s most ambitious mom, allegedly fed Emperor Claudius a suspiciously delicious mushroom dinner that solved one HR problem and created another: her son Nero’s career launch. 🍄
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In Rome, assassination wasn’t betrayal—it was business strategy. The Senate wasn’t a political chamber; it was Survivor: Colosseum Edition. Every banquet was a potential resignation letter in liquid form.
Fast-forward two millennia, and the menu hasn’t changed—just the utensils. Modern Russia swapped amphoras for samovars, but the philosophy stayed the same: when in doubt, brew someone out. ☕
From radioactive teas to nerve-agent cocktails, today’s autocrats carry on the proud Roman tradition of “performance management by poisoning.” Different palace, same paranoia.
Power and poison are an ancient pairing—fear tastes the same in every empire. Claudius feared Nero; Nero feared everyone. When rulers stop trusting their cooks, the regime’s already overdone. Empires rarely fall from invasion—they crumble from indigestion, political or otherwise.
What Historians (and Curious Humans) Can Learn
• History repeats itself—usually over dinner.
• Every empire collapses with a side of paranoia.
• Studying poison isn’t about chemistry; it’s about psychology. Power always eats itself first.
If you ever get invited to dinner by someone who calls themselves Supreme Leader, maybe skip dessert. 🍄
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FAQ
Did Agrippina really poison Claudius?
Historians disagree, but ancient gossip (Tacitus, Suetonius) says yes—and that the mushrooms were “the food of the gods.”
Why compare Rome to modern Russia?
Because power never evolves; only the poison does. Both empires used chemistry and fear to enforce obedience.
What’s the weirdest historical poison?
Lead! Romans mixed it into their wine—so they slowly self-poisoned the empire.
What can history buffs take away?
That studying paranoia and poison tells us more about leadership than any MBA program ever will.