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Author: Bananaking
London, 1624 – When Boats Wore Leather Pants
On this day in history, the River Thames witnessed one of its strangest spectacles. Dutch inventor Cornelius Drebbel revealed the first publicly tested submarine. Picture it: a rowboat stitched up in animal hides, dunking under the murky water in front of a live royal audience.
It wasn’t the sleek, steel fish of modern navies—it was basically a damp rowboat wearing leather pants. And somehow, it worked.
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King James I Says “Cool, But I’ll Stay Dry”
Now, King James I was curious, but he wasn’t about to risk soggy royal stockings. Instead, he watched from the safety of the shore, sipping his wine and muttering lines that surely went along the lines of:
“Yes, yes. Very clever. Do try not to drown the oarsmen.”
Meanwhile, those oarsmen rowed heroically beneath the water, crammed into this dripping leather capsule. It wasn’t high-tech warfare. It was more like the world’s first floating fitness class—only darker, wetter, and much worse-smelling.
What Historians and History Buffs Can Learn From This
So what’s the point of this damp little science project? Quite a lot, actually:
Historians see it as an early example of human imagination outpacing practicality.
History geeks grin at how “innovation” often begins as “good idea, bad smell.”
Casual history lovers learn the eternal truth: kings prefer to stay dry.
This stunt demo didn’t change warfare overnight. But it splashed the idea into the world’s imagination, paving the way for the submarines of centuries later.
Inside the Submarine – A Very Soggy Diary (Parody Primary Source)
Disclaimer: 100% not real, but it sure feels right.
Dear Diary,
Year of Our Lord 1624. I sit beneath the Thames inside what is essentially a barrel wrapped in cowhide. Drebbel swears this is the future of naval glory. My nose says otherwise.
We row onward in darkness. Above us, Londoners point, laugh, and shout things like:
“Oi! Bet they’ll pop up smellin’ like haddock pie!”
The air grows questionable. Someone sneezes. I prepare to go down in history either as a pioneer—or as the first man to faint from “submarine stink.”
King James waves from shore. His boots? Dry. My dignity? Dampened beyond repair.
If anyone ever reads this, please—rename this machine “The Royal Damp Disaster.”
Yours breathlessly,
Passenger No. 4
A Submarine, But Make It Funny
What do we learn here? That history is never as dry as textbooks pretend—it’s awkward, human, and, in this case, very soggy.
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